Chapter 10

Being with Ethan made me feel uneasy inside.

So at first when my roommates asked who he was, I didn't dare admit it and said he was my brother.

He was too famous.

This kind of person seemed born to be the focus of attention in life.

We weren't in the same class or even the same department.

But very quickly, everyone knew the name Ethan.

Just like in high school, he always did as he pleased. With his sharp, fierce eyes, he was surrounded by admirers, always with a crowd around him.

He was even more popular than in high school.

Because several of his childhood friends, even if not at this school, were not far away.

They often came to see him, including Wendy.

That tall, model-like girl - they all called her "Spicy Girl".

Ethan said she had a straightforward personality, like a boy, very casual.

The first time she met me, she was obviously stunned for a moment, but quickly smiled brightly: "Brother, so this is the type you like."

Actually it wasn't the first time I had seen her.

She didn't remember, but that summer when I was working part-time at the arcade, it was her who came over linking arms with Ethan, saying she wanted to get game tokens.

Girls have a natural sensitivity to any unfriendliness from other girls.

I knew she didn't like me.

But Ethan didn't know. He smacked her head in annoyance -

"What do you mean 'this type'? From now on you have to call her sister-in-law."

As I gradually came into contact with Ethan's world, I realized what a huge difference there was. We were completely incompatible.

That black-dialed watch on his wrist was shockingly expensive.

Limited edition basketball shoes, no matter how hard they were to buy, he could always get them.

For Wendy's birthday, she pouted and asked him for a handbag. While saying "I don't owe you anything", he agreed to get her the latest model she wanted.

He also gave me a Chanel watch once, forcefully clasping it on my wrist.

He took me shopping for clothes, shoes, anything he wanted to buy for me.

I refused to accept them. He would get a bit angry.

Later I got angry too and turned to leave.

He would chase after me, softening his tone to coax me: "If you don't want to buy anything that's fine. Why are you getting upset? Come on, I'll treat you to a meal."

Ethan had a rebellious air about him.

He never tried to hide his flippant attitude and desires.

When school first started, I had lied to my roommates saying he was my brother. The first time he waited for me outside the dorm building, my roommate Megan called out from the window: "Lucy, your brother is here to see you!"

He happened to overhear this.

Afterwards he pulled me to a secluded spot, cupped the back of my head with his large hand, and leaned in to kiss me.

That was our first kiss.

He was too forceful, kissing me until I couldn't breathe. I started crying.

Only then did he reluctantly let go. His hands gripped my waist as his eyes narrowed dangerously. His voice was husky with lingering desire: "Lucy, don't get it wrong. I'm the kind of brother who will kiss you."

I cried on the spot: "You're being a hooligan."

He was stunned at first, then laughed. He seemed quite pleased, in a good mood. Pressing his forehead against mine, his tall nose touching mine, he said: "I promise, I'll only be a hooligan to you for the rest of my life."

The phrase "rest of my life" sounded so fantastical.

But I knew he was serious at the time.

He was very bothered that I tried to hide his identity as my boyfriend. He wanted everyone to know about our relationship.

Any little news about me would quickly reach his ears.

At first there was a boy in my class with a nice personality who liked to chat with me occasionally.

Later when he saw me he would lower his head without speaking, or just turn and leave.

I heard rumors that Ethan had confronted him. I got very angry and argued with Ethan about it, my eyes turning red.

He lazily raised an eyebrow, looking at me with a half-smile: "Lucy, when you're dating me, you're not allowed to have wandering eyes."

"What nonsense are you saying?! He's just a normal classmate." My face flushed red.

"Come on, you think everyone is as dense as you? I can see his intentions clear as day."

"You're paranoid. This is ridiculous."

I angrily turned to leave. He grabbed me, smiling mockingly: "You don't believe me? Let's go confront him then."

"Ethan, are you crazy? What's wrong with you?!"

"Yeah, crazy in love with you. Sick with missing you. You're mine alone. I don't have any messy love affairs, and you're not allowed to have any either."

Ethan was a very possessive person. This became increasingly clear as we spent more time together.

I never doubted his feelings for me, because they often felt suffocating.

Later he started trying to convince me to move out and live with him.

I refused, even avoiding him for a while because of it.

Though I knew it was bound to happen eventually.

In front of him, I was like an innocent little white rabbit, already in the palm of his hand.

He tempted and coaxed me again and again.

In the second year of our relationship, he once took me to see a theater performance. He said we'd be back before the dorm curfew, but deliberately delayed until very late.

As soon as we left, my heart sank.

He wore a black trench coat, tall and straight. His sharp features were tinged with a smile, thin lips curled mischievously. Behind him was the neon-lit street.

Then he reached out his hand to me, smiling triumphantly, his voice teasing: "Let's go. Come home with me."

The apartment he lived in off-campus had been bought by his family long ago.

After he promised to behave himself, I nervously set foot in there.

It wasn't my first time coming, but before it had always been during the day, just sitting for a while before leaving.

Ethan clearly had ulterior motives. Though he had promised to be well-behaved, as soon as we entered he showed his true colors.

I pushed him away, a bit angry: "You're not keeping your word. I'll never believe you again."

His laughter by my ear was soft and enticing: "Baby, I'm a man, and a bad man at that."

"But I promise, I'll only be bad to you. Okay?"

He leaned close to my ear. As I trembled all over, he whispered: "I'm not lying to you. We'll get married right after graduation. If I go back on my word, I'll die a horrible death."

He said such shocking things while doing equally shocking things. I was at a loss, panicking and not knowing what to do.

Ethan called me "Woodhead" one moment and "Baby" the next, his voice gently persuading. But his own ears were bright red too.

It must have started raining outside. I could faintly hear the pitter-patter of rain and feel a slight chill.

In this vast world, it felt like only the two of us remained.

He said: "Be good, Woodhead. Don't be scared. We'll always be together, never apart."

"I promise."

My tightly clenched hands were pushed above my head by him. All I could hear was a roaring in my ears, exploding over and over in my mind.

I don't know who said it, but I'd heard that the essence of love is endless pain, and the only cure is for him to love you just as much.

In that moment, I thought melodramatically of a line -

Outside the wind and rain clatter, the whole world is today.

Someone loves me, so I am worthy of being loved.