Chapter 11

Ethan said I was a bookworm, and also said I was an idiot.

Every time he tried to give me something, we would have an awkward fight.

Finally he lost his temper, throwing the shopping bag on the ground in frustration: "Lucy, why do you have to be so stubborn? Look at the clothes you're wearing. When you weren't my girlfriend, it was one thing to wear shoes until they fell apart. But now it's only right for me to spend money on you. What do you mean by this? Are you trying to keep such a clear divide between us?"

"You're even still working part-time jobs. Why do you have to be like this? It's embarrassing for me too."

I knew what he meant. As his girlfriend, my working part-time jobs had subjected him to gossip.

At first when he brought me to eat with his group of friends, their girlfriends were poised and graceful, dressed stylishly and made up beautifully.

While I stood out like a sore thumb, wearing no makeup and dressed simply in cheap clothes.

At the time someone joked that apparently Ethan liked the pale, young and thin type. Lucy looked like a high schooler.

Before Ethan could speak, Wendy chimed in first: "What high schooler? My sister-in-law is Cinderella. She can transform into a princess in an instant and dazzle all your dog eyes."

She said this animatedly, even elbowing Ethan: "Right, brother?"

Ethan lazily raised an eyebrow and cursed at them: "What I like is none of your damn business!"

I didn't like eating with them.

After Ethan forcibly brought me along a few times, no matter how he insisted next time, I stubbornly refused to go.

I even brought up breaking up for the first time because of it: "If you insist on making me go, let's just break up."

Ethan's face changed instantly. He narrowed his eyes: "Say that again."

"I'll say it again. Let's break up!"

I angrily shouted at him, tears spilling out: "I told you from the start that we're not compatible, we're different. You keep pushing me. I can't be the kind of girlfriend you want. I'm happy being Cinderella, okay?"

He was stunned for a moment, as if finally realizing something. His voice softened as he coaxed me: "What are you saying? I like Cinderella. Just be yourself, Woodhead. I won't force you. Don't talk about breaking up so easily anymore, okay?"

I know I had many grievances, and he had his grievances too.

People said Ethan was so proud and arrogant, yet his girlfriend Lucy wore a pilled sweater.

Lucy even found a part-time job at an off-campus bubble tea shop.

I didn't understand. What sweater doesn't pill? Just because there are a few pills on the cuffs, does it have to be thrown away?

There were plenty of college students working part-time off campus. We were all just trying to live well and work hard.

I was utterly ordinary. I only stood out in Ethan's world.

The bars, high-end clubs and shooting ranges they often went to later were places I had never set foot in and didn't dare to.

Why did I have to be so stubborn?

He once gave me the latest model phone, insisting I take it, saying it would be easier to keep in touch during breaks.

When I went home, Cathy saw the phone and immediately sneered: "I thought you were so high and mighty. You wouldn't take money before, was it because it wasn't enough? Now you're relying on a man to eat, being kept by him, right? No wonder you stopped working part-time during breaks."

"Don't talk nonsense. You think everyone is like you!"

I trembled with anger, not just because of her filthy words, but because after I came home, I found out she had started selling her body to an old man in the neighborhood because she had no money.

My aunt told me all this. She had come to check on my dad once and caught the man in our home.

That time I came home, Ethan came looking for me once. He texted asking which floor I lived on when he was downstairs.

I looked back at Cathy spewing the vilest curses, saying the dirtiest things.

Then I saw my increasingly withered dad lying in bed, no longer human-shaped, and the dirty, messy home. In an instant, I felt terrified, almost nauseous.

I ran downstairs. Behind me, Cathy cursed again: "What are you going crazy for? You want to be reborn?"

Ethan was waiting downstairs. He had driven over and bought gifts.

He stood in the sunlight, hands in his pockets, smiling at me. He said he wanted to come up and meet my parents.

A chill ran through my whole body. I did everything I could to send him away: "It's not convenient today. We're not prepared at all, and my mom isn't home either."

After finally coaxing him to leave, I went back upstairs to see Cathy standing by the window, looking at me contemptuously: "You think you're better than me? You found a young one. Next time he gives you a phone, leave this one for me. I should get a new one too. That old man is too stingy, not as good as yours."

...

It was Cathy who made me understand that no matter how far I went, I could never escape this hellish abyss.

The stinking, dark corners filled me with disgust and nausea.

I almost threw up.

Then right in front of her, I smashed the phone Ethan had given me to pieces.

Her face turned ashen with anger. She raised her hand to slap me, then started beating me.

We cursed at each other in the filthy room, using the most vicious language.

Cathy slapped me while cursing: "You look down on me, huh? Let me tell you Lucy, you're just like me. We're both sluts, whores, living off men's money. What do you have to be proud of? I spit on you! You're no different from me, you know?!"

No, how could I possibly be like her!

If I were like her, I'd rather die right now!

I had always understood. For a family like ours, the only thing we could rely on was ourselves.

Only by giving it our all could we live proudly as human beings.

Only by relying on our own abilities to escape this hell would we truly be free.

Besides myself, no one could save me. Not even Ethan.

The festering wound in my heart could only be cut out by me.

My cousin found out I was dating Ethan in our sophomore year.

He said to me: "Lucy, if you're in an unequal relationship, you need to try your best to make it equal. Only when it's equal can you be yourself."

If it's not equal, you'll be at someone's mercy. Sooner or later you'll lose yourself.

Someone who has lost themselves will never end up well.

I understood it all, and had always been working hard to move forward.

But Cathy made me so desperate.

In the past I had wished for my dad to die. Now I wished she would hurry up and die.

But she was tough as nails. In my sophomore year, she even came to my school once asking me for money.

I coldly looked at her and said I didn't have any.

She sneered: "Go ask that boyfriend of yours. He should be pretty rich, right? If you won't ask, I'll go ask. My daughter isn't sleeping with him for free."

I gave her all the money in my card.

She said expressionlessly: "Just this little? What about your scholarship? Your hardship subsidy? Doesn't your boyfriend give you money to spend?"

"Let me warn you, better get more money. It's better than getting pregnant."

"Get out! Get out right now!"

Afterwards, I ate only steamed buns for half a month.

My relationship with Ethan also deteriorated rapidly.

He was unhappy that I was always going out for part-time jobs, with no time to spend with him.

On his birthday, I arrived late. By the time I rushed to the restaurant, the party was almost over.

He didn't look very happy.

Wendy said: "Sister-in-law is still working part-time on such an important day. Brother, this is your fault. Sister-in-law must be really short on money."

Ethan ignored her, got up and pulled me to leave.

He took me back to his apartment and handed me a bank card.

He was angry again, saying irritably: "You don't even have money to buy me a gift, right? I heard you've been eating steamed buns in the dorm for days. Lucy, what the hell do you take me for?"

"I'm begging you, please take it."

By the end, his voice sounded very tired: "I know you have your pride. In my heart, you've always had pride. It won't change anything if you spend my money. Woodhead, can we both take a step back?"

Taking a step back wasn't impossible.

A snail that keeps moving forward, when encountering difficulties, might want to take shelter under a rock. That should be okay, right?

I silently accepted the money.

Before I had spent a penny, Wendy brought a very pretty girl to find me.

That girl was called Olivia. She was also a friend in Ethan's circle.

She was two years older than Ethan and had been studying abroad.

Unlike Wendy's directness, she seemed like a very gentle person. Her voice was also pleasant. She smiled at me: "Lucy, you should call me big sister. Ethan calls me that too."

"On his birthday, he said he wanted to introduce his girlfriend to me, but you only came when the party was ending. We didn't get a chance to talk. Ethan must have been angry with you, right? Don't mind him. He's always been like that, with a bad temper. "

It happened to be lunchtime. Olivia linked arms with me friendlily, saying she wanted to treat Wendy and me to a meal.

I wasn't familiar with Ethan's circle of friends.

But I knew I shouldn't be impolite. Those people already had a lot of complaints about me.

I was also truly trying to overcome difficulties and be with Ethan.

They took me to a high-end Western restaurant.

Olivia was so gentle. Seeing I wasn't skilled with knife and fork, she took my steak and cut it for me.

She also told me many embarrassing stories about Ethan from before.

In that world I couldn't integrate into, they had grown up together. Wendy smiled brightly, saying her godmother liked Olivia the most back then, calling her the standard for a daughter-in-law.

Olivia chided her: "That was when we were little. Why bring it up now? Lucy, don't mind it. That was just Auntie Chi joking."

I smiled and shook my head, indicating it was fine.

She asked again: "You don't like Western food? I remember Ethan quite likes it."

"It's not that. Ethan has brought me before."

"Oh, then are you not used to using knife and fork?"

"I don't cut well. Ethan always cuts for me."

"I see. He's still so considerate."

Olivia's lips always held a smile. She said to Wendy: "Let's go shopping later, with Lucy. I saw a dress I liked at Balenciaga last time. I want to try it on. You two can help me take a look."

After finishing the steak, I said I wanted to go back. Olivia and Wendy warmly linked arms with me.

They encouraged me to try on a very expensive dress, then told the sales assistant to wrap it up without asking me.

I said it wasn't necessary. Wendy smiled: "Didn't my brother give you a bank card? You should spend when you need to. Just ask him for more when it's empty. Everyone knows my brother is rich. He wouldn't not give you money."

"You've never worn such nice clothes, right? You should dress up more. When we eat together, they tease my brother for not willing to spend money on you. He loses face."

That day, they took me to buy many clothes, shoes, and cosmetics.

I remained silent until that card was almost empty.

Then I didn't go back to school, but went to wait for Ethan at his apartment.

When he came back and saw the shopping bags piled on the coffee table, he seemed quite happy.

He said: "I heard from Wendy. They took you shopping and you bought a lot of things. Do you like them, Woodhead?"

I looked at him calmly: "It's all here."

He rummaged through the shopping bags with interest, then said: "Did you use up all the money? I'll transfer more."

I took out that bank card and put it on the table -

"The money in the card, plus these things, totals 100,000. I didn't touch it."

"What do you mean?" Ethan finally sensed something was wrong.

I said: "Ethan, let's break up."

This was probably the third time I had brought up breaking up.

He was stunned, then laughed. He came over and put his arms around my waist: "What's wrong, Woodhead? Aren't you happy spending the money? They said you seemed quite happy."

That day, I said we should break up. He didn't take it seriously. He grabbed my hand and laughed in my ear: "Stop joking. How is this worth breaking up over? Isn't there nothing that can't be solved by sleeping together? Couples fight at the head of the bed and make up at the foot."

He was always like this. During cold wars he'd say, what's the big deal that needs a cold war? Come on, let's sit down and talk it out clearly.

When breaking up he'd say, what break up? It's not like there's any fundamental issue. Come here baby, let big brother hug you. Let's go to bed and improve our relationship...

The little squabbles and break-ups seemed to have become seasoning to enhance our relationship.

He liked to press me down, watch me struggle until I was exhausted, until I had no more strength to make a fuss. Then he would kiss my forehead with satisfaction and chuckle: "Finished venting? Let big brother help you cool down some more..."

But not all cold wars can be resolved by sitting down to talk.

If everything could be explained clearly, my dysfunctional family wouldn't be such a mess.

I also wouldn't be living such a miserable life.

I was so sensitive and insecure.

When he gathered with friends, everyone else brought their girlfriends intimately. Only me, he could never get me to come out.

He had said I could be myself, but later he couldn't help complaining and getting angry, saying I didn't really like him, that I didn't give him face.

He got angrier and angrier. Whenever he heard I was working part-time outside, he would be full of rage.

I silently watched him argue with me.

Then I got used to just turning and walking away.

A few days later, he would lower himself to coax me, saying he was wrong and wouldn't do it again.

Gradually, I became more and more unwilling to deal with him.

He started finding ways to call me, saying he drank too much, pitifully asking me to come pick him up.

The worst time, he had his friend call me saying he was sick and couldn't get out of bed.

I softened and went to his apartment to check on him, only to see him pretending, with slyness hidden in his eyes.

"Woodhead, don't be mad anymore. Big brother was wrong. I'll apologize, okay?"

In our junior year, he brought up wanting to meet my family again.

He said he wanted to get married after graduation, so both sets of parents should meet first.

He also said his parents were very open-minded and had wanted to meet me for a long time.

I couldn't help but think, meet what? To see my dad's inhuman state? Or to see my mom's vulgar, money-grubbing ways?

I was silent, then silent some more. Finally I opened my mouth: "I don't have a good relationship with my mom."

He said: "That's okay. I know. Back in high school I heard she likes to play mahjong and rarely takes care of you."

"It's fine, Woodhead. We're just meeting the parents and discussing marriage plans. From now on, big brother will take care of you."

"It's too rushed. Let's wait until we have stable jobs to talk about it."

Ethan dismissed this: "Whatever job you want to do, my mom can arrange it. I'll take over the family business sooner or later anyway. I'd rather get married first. Woodhead, we agreed on this before."

In this relationship, I had finally started to have thoughts of retreating.

Because Ethan said it was his parents' wedding anniversary and they had specifically invited me.

Ethan helped me prepare a gift for this - a necklace from his mom's favorite jewelry brand.

I said: "No one will believe I bought this if you take it."

He put his arm around my shoulder: "It's a gift from both of us, not just you."

He wanted to take me shopping for clothes again. This time, I had no reason to refuse.

The ugly duckling has to meet the in-laws eventually.

Ethan's mom was kinder than I had imagined.

She was elegant, youthful, with good temperament and figure.

She smiled as she greeted me, saying she had heard my name long ago, that her precious son had been keeping me hidden.

Ethan said his parents would both like me.

But later when I came out of the restroom on my way to the hotel banquet hall, I overheard his mom chatting with Olivia.

Olivia said: "Auntie finally got to meet Lucy. Isn't she pretty?"

Ethan's mom laughed: "Not as pretty as you. That boy of mine has poor taste. He can't see what's right in front of him, letting a little girl bewitch him instead."

"What can we do? Ethan likes her. He even said he wants to get married right after graduation."

"He's just talking. How could that be taken seriously?"

Ethan's mom said unhurriedly: "Marriage is such a big deal. We can't go through with it without thoroughly investigating the background."

"Auntie doesn't like Lucy?"

"I can't say I like or dislike her. She just seems a bit petty. Thinking of my son falling for her leaves a bad taste in my mouth. We had originally planned for him to study abroad. For a little girlfriend, he stubbornly refused to go."

...

I didn't return to the banquet hall. Instead, I aimlessly wandered the hotel floors.

Then I saw Wendy.

She seemed to have come looking for me deliberately.

From the beginning, she had never liked me.

Now she didn't even bother pretending, speaking to me frankly: "The dress is pretty. Didn't you used to refuse to spend my brother's money? What, can't keep up the act anymore?"

I stared at her motionlessly: "You seem to have always had ill intentions towards me. Why?"

"Because you're not worthy. You don't really think you can marry my brother, do you? It's impossible, Lucy. To tell you the truth, godmother has already investigated your family background thoroughly. She knows everything. So she'll never accept you. In her mind, the ideal daughter-in-law is Olivia."

"If you still have any self-awareness, you should leave on your own. Stop clinging to my brother."

"I'm not clinging to him. He's the one clinging to me. So you should say this to him."

"Do you have any shame? Do you want my brother to know your true colors?"

"What true colors?"

"Your mom is grasping for money at her age, and like mother like daughter. You refuse to spend my brother's money, but that's just a more sophisticated tactic. We've seen plenty of people like you. Why pretend?"

"You're being very rude."

"This is rude? I haven't even said the worst yet. Do you dare tell my brother about the mess in your family? You know you're not worthy of him, right? Don't humiliate yourself."

TThat day, I left before the banquet even started.

I turned off my phone without notifying anyone.

I returned to the dorm and saw Megan cooking instant noodles.